Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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