those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize