I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
