He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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