I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i out mim tonsoeep
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