Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
