He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
