Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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