Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I understand Curling. That high.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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