I'm jealous of your bromance
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
