Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
