So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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