Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I look better un-naked...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
we should paint friendship bongs
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
