ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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