the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
