No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
