i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
honey bunches of taint.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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