I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
