I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
