Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
