How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
