I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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