Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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