She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
