You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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