We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
