Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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