I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
