3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
