I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
