No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
