i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
