It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
