One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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