I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you made out with another girl for some wings
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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