I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I want a musical about memes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
