if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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