I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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