4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
