I feel great
I just peed on a car
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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