I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
