I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
