Are we in a gay sports bar?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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