You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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