i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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