Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
