Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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