So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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