well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
