I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
