I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize