how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
