im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
