I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
