forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
