I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
