If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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