Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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