Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
