there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
farters have to be the big spoon...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I smell like Dick and happiness
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