If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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