i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize