why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
