On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
