all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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