it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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