somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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