Only a mothe r could love this liver
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
