you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
