he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
